Today, I have a story to tell you about a stupid
criminal hubby. Sit back and enjoy the read!
It all started around mid-afternoon when this girl - played by moi, decided that she had better whip up some dinner. She had to teach yoga that evening and Luke (Natalie was home sick) had piano lessons so it had to be something that her hubby could easily heat up (he's kitchen inept - or so he claims) for everyone when they arrived back home from piano lessons.
She searched her freezer(s) and fridge high and low for any form of meat that would feed a family of four. Alas, all she came up with was a package of bacon. Her search went to her pantry and she came out with a bag of potatoes. Hmmm, what ever could this girl create with potatoes and bacon for the helpless kitchen inept? Think girl, think! That's when the light bulb went on! Baked Potato soup. You have just experienced my geniusness in action!
This girl slaved over the stove for hours (I may be exaggerating) whipping up this gorgeous Baked Potato Soup. She played the situation in her head.
"I arrive home from yoga and the family is waiting for me on the couch. As soon as I walk in the family bursts out into cheers and they run over to me and lift me up on their shoulders and jaunt around the house with me. They gently lower me down and get down on to their knees and kiss my feet and thank me and praise me for the delicious meal I provided for them while I was away. They present me with a trophy that has a gold plaque that reads - Best Mom in the Whole World!"
That's not the way the story went though. She arrived home and nobody was around. Hmmm, maybe they are downstairs. She walks downstairs and they are in the office playing computer games. They don't even bother to turn around to look at the girl, "Hey guys, did you like the soup?" she asks. The hubby replies, "Yes, you are such a good cook! I put everything away in the fridge." (proof he's not entirely kitchen inept). Hmmm, that was a weird reply. "Why did you say that?" the girl asks. No reply - blank stare at the computer screen from both boys. Suspicious behavior, noted.
She moseys upstairs and heads over to the fridge to make herself a glass of water. She steps on something small but noticeable. Hmmm, what's this? She asks herself. She bends over and picks up the foreign object and begins to examine it. It's about 1-inch in length and it resembles a McDonalds french fry. "Where did this come from?" the girl asks herself. "We didn't have McDonalds today and the house was just vacuumed." - yes the girl often talks to herself. She looks in the trash can, nothing. She looks over at her daughter who is engrossed in her TV show and asks her if the boys ate the soup when they arrived home. She doesn't know. The girl finds her way downstairs again and confronts the boys. "So, how was the soup? Did you like it? Did you put the bacon and cheese on top?" she asks. "Oh yes, it was so good. We piled the bacon and cheese all over it.". Uh huh. "Can someone please tell me why I just stepped on a McDonalds french fry upstairs?" Looks of terror wash over the boy's faces. The girl has their attention now! Giggles ensue and their faces turn the shade of ketchup (that they probably dipped their fry in). "What! What are you talking about? It was Luke's fault. He wanted McDonalds and I wasn't going to argue with him." "What! That's not true, daddy!" Hysterical laughter continues. The girl isn't laughing. They went to great lengths to hide their insolent behavior. They ate in the car so Natalie wouldn't see them. They disposed their evidence in the outdoor trash can. But somehow, someway this lone french fry found it's way in to the house and on to my kitchen floor.